Sinitta's Lunchbox

Ho, ho, ho! Snit here. 'Celebrity Taxi Driver' has somewhat taken over and I am delighted how well it's gone. Who would have thought that I, international disco and fashion sensation, Sinitta Malone, could get into an all star reality TV show final, with Lulu's body double and Carol Vorderman's sister? All I have to do is pull off the 'cleaning sick out the back of cab' challenge and I could be crowned the hackney carriage Queen!

I am not one to let fame go to my head however and still pack my lunchbox full of nutritional goodness everyday. Here's what's been floating my boat recently.

(1) The beautiful Kylie Minouge and her shimmering new single 'Better Than Today'. This gem is released in the UK on the 5th of December:



(2) Cadbury's Chocolate Fingers - I like to treat myself with a finger in the run up to Christmas

(3) Cheryl Cole's US visa application

(4) Nicole Scherzinger's newie 'Poison' is Wicked! The ex Pussycat Doll rocks it big time on this anthemic kick-ass electro/pop confection. I only wish I hadn't turned RedOne down when I was offered this song myself for forthcoming album 'Snit Bit's'. Check out the kick-ass video here:

Sinitta's Lunchbox

Hey guys. Snit here. I am dieting at the momento, so it's been a bit of a lean lunch box for me of late. I am on the 'Low Fat Pop Tart' diet - recipe book to follow!

So here's what I've been lugging around this week:

(1) Mark Owen - he's very small. Unlike his mobile phone bill.
(2) Low Fat Pop Tarts - the versatile snack that fills a hole like no other
(3) 'Oh Santa' - Mariah Carey's catchy new Christmas offering. It's not 'All I Want For Christmas' but kudos to Maz for churning our a half-decent Xmas number. Christmas has indeed arrived early in the Malone household this year!



I'm off now to film 'Celebrity Taxi Driver' where a group of c-listers spend a week working London taxi's and learning 'The Knowledge'. I'm really excited about working with Vanessa Feltz, Lulu's body double and one of the chimps from the PG Tips advert. I've got strong competition. Wicked!

Sinitta's Lunchbox

Hi guys. It's Snit here. Sorry for my lack of posts. The X-Factor has been keeping me very busy. It's hard work sitting next to Simon Cowell wearing no clothes and saying next to nothing. Then of course I have been involved in the styling of the groups - Simon's category for this years X-Factor. It's nice to know my unique sense of style has finally been recognised !

As you can imagine, all this work means I have been more reliant on my lunch-box than ever - those boy-bands have been keeping my box full!

Here's some of the tempting delights that have been floating my boat in recent weeks:

(1) The Journey - aka the cute boy-band that almost made it through to the X-Factor live shows. Apparently they are not a polished, rehearsed and contriveed boy band - they really are plumbers, electricians and dustbin men.

(2) Yorkshire pudding - my favourite food. Hot. Cold. Any which way.

(3) Fans - a girl can never have enough fans to keep her cool. I have many in different colours to match my lack of clothing!

(4) Nadine vs. Cheryl - as a member of the X-Factor alumni and someone who knows Cheryl well, you can guess why my loyalties lie? That's right - I'm backing Nadine Coyle all the way:



(5) Half a Crispy Peeking Duck

(6) Mary Byrne's Tesco Clubcard (I need the points for my Aunt Bessies')

(7) The upcoming spectacular that is 'Burlesque'. Christina Aguilera and Cher star in this all singing, all dancing movie spectacular. I was of course offered the lead ahead of Xtina but had to turn it down due to my X-Factor commitments. There's a fab soundtrack accompanying the film too, featuring the previously retired Cher, lending her pipes to a Diane Warren power ballad. What more could a girl want?

Re-visiting Xtina's Bionic

Now that the dust has died down, I thought it might be a good time to re-evaluate Christina Aguilera’s ‘Bionic’, in the cold light of day. If Madonna is the queen of re-invention, Xtina is the mistress of the quick change – from her teen pop debut to her retro-inspired third album, touching on R&B, mature ballads and Latin pop en route – Aguilera makes and breaks the rules as she goes along. It is a strategy that has worked until now and given that success, it is no surprise that expectations for her latest offering were high.

The deluxe edition of ‘Bionic’ comes in at a whopping 23 tracks. Admittedly, this includes three interludes but it’s still a hefty collection and more often than not quantity and quality do not equate– an adage which unfortunately holds true in this instance.

The title track is catchy enough but there is nothing new here and the same can be said for the second track and lead single - ‘Not Myself Tonight’ - the highlight of which is Christina’s gutsy lyrics in the chorus. ‘Woohoo’ is a quite frankly embarrassing ode to oral sex and makes Madonna’s attempt at said subject 18 years ago seem like high art. ‘Elastic Love’ is a bit of electro fun, even if the lyric is slightly lacking and ‘Des Nudities’ is the token Spanglish number.

Enter part two of ‘Bionic’, the section which has the most in common with a certain Lady Gaga. That’s not to say that the songs here are bad carbon copies – on the contrary - ‘Glam’ is a pretty slice of electro pop and ‘Prima Donna’ is Aguilera at her tongue-in-cheek best. It’s the ‘Love & Glamour’ interlude, hanging the two tracks together that makes the listener draw comparisons to Gaga. Just as things as are getting good we are back to seXtina. This time ‘Sex for Breakfast’ is more Janet Jackson than Madonna and it’s as if the song has been dropped on the album from another planet (with an obligatory interlude before to try and justify its existence).

It’s the ballads section next. If it wasn't for a third and final interlude, ‘Life Me Up’ and ‘All I Need’ could easily merge into one. ‘I Am’ is a ‘self-therapy’ Aguilera standard and ‘You Lost Me’ is by far the best and most haunting song on the album.

The fourth and final section of the collection feels like it could be a standalone album in its own right. ‘I Hate Boys’ works well with its driving beat, despite the moronic lyrics. ‘My Girls’ mixes electro and disco to positive effect but as before, the two-dimensional lyrics let it down. Aguilera’s back to laughing at herself on ‘Vanity’, and the disco inspired ‘Monday Morning’ features a slightly softer vocal from Xtina. ‘Bobblehead’ has a message. The problem is it’s annoying to listen to so the message is lost. ‘Birds of Prey’ is sublime and probably one of the more mature moments on ‘Bionic’. Finally, ballad ‘Stronger than Ever’ and an acoustic version of ‘I Am’ close the collection on a high.

Critics initial reaction to ‘Bionic’ has been to label it as a Gaga like copy, and whilst there are strong similarities with some of Lady Gaga’s work, the comparison is an unfair one. The truth is that ‘Bionic’ borrows from a number of Christina’s contemporary’s – Madonna, Janet Jackson, and Katy Perry – to name a few. However, her crime here is not one of plagiarism. Instead it is of trying too hard, a fate that befell Kylie Minogue on her 2008 ‘X’ album and with the end result being a collection of almost random songs, selected to try and please everyone. This is understandable given the expectations on Christina for this project, however surprising given her previous tendency to stick two fingers up to what the rest of the world wants.

Sinitta's Lunchbox

Oh dear! This week Sinitta's lunchbox was returned to us in such a state that the best part of the bank holiday weekend has been spent cleaning it out - the dirty bitch!

No grudges will be held however, as the lunchbox of dreams needs to be replenished for the week ahead. So what goodies do we have in store:

(1) Blankety Blank cheque book and pen
(2) Oat-so-simple
(3) Curry Powder
(4) A low quality leak from the Madonna 'Celebration' sessions called 'Broken (I'm Sorry)':

http://soundcloud.com/newsofmadonna/broken-2

Despite the quality, it's a good track - very in keeping with the Confessions era. Here's hoping an HQ copy will surface sometime soon.

Sinitta's Lunchbox

Yum Yum! It's lunch time again with Snit - love her!

What have we got in the un-clothed one's lunch box today:

(1) Three carefully positioned vine leaves

(2) Pot Noodle

(3) Cheryl Cole's malaria tablets

(4) Xtina's new single - 'You Lost Me':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_QpdhEcmBo&feature=av2n

It just goes to show when Ms. Aguilera sticks to what she does best - heartfelt ballads with a kick - she's definitely not destined for the dumper quite yet!

Sinitta's Lunchbox

Sinitta's lunchbox has just come back from hols (even lunchboxes need a break), hence the lack of post last week. Let's see what lurks inside the lunchbox of dreams this week:

(1) Signed photo of Nerys Hughes
(2) Beef Jerky
(3) Hazell Dean Mug
(4) Remixes for Kylie's 'Get Out Of My Way':

These are two of the better mixes on offer and I can honestly say for the first time in a long time, Parlophone have done us proud - commercial dance mixes that really get you moving!

Introducing ....

.... Sinitta's lunchbox.

Each week we will be having a look at what is in Sinitta's lunchbox.

That 'Snit' - you never know what she's popped in her box for the day ahead!

This week in' Sinitta's lunchbox':

Some lip gloss (probably from Savers)

Cheesy Puff Crisps

A lock of Simon Cowell's hair

The new Freemasons Remix of Hurt's 'Wonderful Life'

What an amazing remix. Well done everyone involved and thank you Sinitta for such a nutrious treat!

Aphrodite - The Review

Kylie's latest release comes after criticism that her last offering, 'X', didn't quite cut the mustard. Mingoue's fiercely loyal gay fan base made public their disappointment, climaxing with pro-Kylie UK gay mag 'Attitude', suggesting that the pop Princess had perhaps lost her way.

I am indeed guilty of adding my voice to that chorus of discontent (read my original blog post here), with my biggest criticism being that 'X' lacked a cohesive structure, evident in earlier releases. Instead, it seemed to be a mis-match of songs from 'it' producers and song writers of the day, with the misguided view that 'many cooks maketh a Kylie masterpiece'.

Two years on then, and the pressure for Kylie to get it right is understandably huge. 'Aphrodite' is Minogue's 11th studio album and it appears from the word go, she has listened to her critics and addressed the failings of her last project. Stuart Price (a la Madonna 'Confessions') was hired as executive producer to give the album that common thread that was so lacking on 'X'. So far so good, and on the first few listens of 'Aphrodite' it seems that this strategy has paid dividends.

Lead single 'All The Lover's' kicks off proceedings. This joyful number was produced by Jim Eliot with additional production by Price. The highlight of the track comes after the second chorus when we break down into Kylie's vocal before reaching a euphoric middle eight climax. 'All The Lovers' is the perfect choice for lead single, it showcases what the rest of the album has to offer without giving too much away.

Next up is second single, 'Get Out of my Way'. A dance-floor anthem if I have ever heard one, with typically coquette lyrics from La Minogue. 'Put Your Hands Up' follows in a similar vein. Potential single material here again with that 'call to the floor' quality, albeit on safe territory.

'Closer' is the first main departure of the album. The electro/harpsichord intro gives the track a quirky yet familiar feel, which works surprisingly well in the context of the rest of the collection. 'Everything is Beautiful' shifts the mood again and this time we slip down a gear. Penned by Tim Rice-Oxley from Keane fame, 'Everything is Beautiful' is possibly one of the albums more mature moments.

The title track 'Aphrodite' rocks. If not for the immortal line 'Can you feel me on the stereo', then for the fierce 'don't mess with me' chorus. This song surely rivals anything Gaga is currently doing and as such deserves a single release. The same can't be said about 'Illusion' which somewhat fades into insignificance after the mighty 'Aphrodite'.

'Better Than Today' is another potential single, sounding more Scissor Sisters than the next track 'Too Much', the long anticipated Minogue/Jake Shears/Calvin Harris collaboration. 'Too Much' is already a fan favourite and clearly has potential as a monster dance hit, as does 'Cupid Boy' which probably out of the two, offers the biggest thrill, despite perhaps not being as radio friendly as 'Too Much'.

'Looking For An Angel' is one of the albums weaker moments, simply because it doesn't match up to the feel of what has come before. Finally we have 'Can't Beat The Feeling'. Big synth intro - check. Ecstasy inducing lyrics - check. Minogue school of philosophy ('there doesn't have to be a reason, there doesn't have to be a why') - check. Vocoder laden middle eight - check. The result is one of those pure moments of joy that only Kylie excels at. 'Can't Beat The Feeling' may not be single material, but like 'Enjoy Yourself, 'Rhythm of Love' and 'Light Years' before it, its one of those quintessential album tracks that just make you smile.

And what about the bonus tracks? The itunes 'Experience Edition' comes with 'Mighty Rivers'. Whilst it may be 'Mighty' by name, it certainly doesn't pack the punch experienced elsewhere, however it is pleasant enough with it's quasi 80's oriental feel. Amazon offer 'Go Hard or Go Home' and this piece of pop trickery fares better. It takes the listener on a 2010 pop journey, from it's acoustic intro, via shaky territory that is R&B lite, through to a pure dance chorus. Finally, we have 'Heartstrings' the Japanese version bonus track. This is by far the strongest of the three - a solid mature pop song in the same vein as 'Everything is Beautiful'.

In conclusion, 'Aphrodite' is the return to form that fans were expecting (cue huge sigh of relief). It's certainly Kylie's most coherent and consistent offer since 'Fever', and whilst that is great in terms of an overall listening experience, it is vital that Parlophone select those singles that demonstrates the multi -faceted dimension of this collection (Aphrodite and Better Than Today), rather than sticking to the tried and tested 'safe' dance anthems.

Tracklisting

All The Lovers

Get Out Of My Way

Put Your Hands Up
Closer

Everything Is Beautiful

Aphrodite

Illusion

Better Than Today

Too Much

Cupid Boy

Looking For An Angel

Can't Beat The Feeling

Bonus Tracks

Mighty Rivers (i-tunes Experience Edition)

Go Hard or Go Home (Amazon bonus track)

Heartstrings (Japansese bonus track)