My beef with Lady Gaga

This week saw the release of H&M's holidays campaign via a glitzy You Tube video, featuring Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett:

The campaign rather cleverly adds a new dimension of 'Christmas Album' to Gaga and Bennett's 'Cheek to Cheek' collaboration, which was released earlier this year.

I wanted to like this album but I found myself unable to hear beyond, at times, Gaga's forced vocals. I also found myself unable to see beyond her imagery, which jars with what is supposed to be an homage to the jazz standards.

In an attempt to understand why this latest era in Gaga's evolution has rattled me so, I found myself coming to the following conclusion:

Lady Gaga is without doubt the most contrived artist of our times.

The warmth, originality and chutzpah of her earlier work and performances, has been replaced by something that borders on the megalomaniacal.

She bastardises and unashamedly borrows the work of those who have gone before her, with a tour de force not unlike the 'Mecha-Stresiand' in South Park, swallowing genres wholesale, with no deference  or respect to the original artist. They are simply trophies she acquires as her own, in an ill attempt to try and prove to the world she is a credible artist.

Gaga's much self-hyped prior release, 'ARTPOP', is just pop music. It's not the highly conceptual art piece that she made it out to be. It's a bunch of fairly good pop songs, which have had more imagery thrown at them, then you can shake a (disco) stick at. In the end, the whole project smacked of desperation more than it did originality, which is a shame, because (and I repeat), she can write a good pop song!

These are the reasons why I can no longer relate to Lady Gaga as an artist. There is no sincerity, there is about as much warmth as a leaky hot water bottle, and dare I say it, there is no brilliance anymore; just a huge ego that thinks it's a creative genius however in reality, is just a wannabe.

Now I have gotten that off my chest, I am off to listen to the 'PopArt' album; and by that I mean the Pet Shop Boys hit collection, which is actually a much more genuine and successful attempt at bringing higher cultural references into pop music.

I am a monster!

Ten songs you never knew were produced by PWL

The familiar sound of Stock, Aitken and Waterman (SAW) and their various sound engineers - all covered here by the Pete Waterman Limited (PWL) umbrella - is one that defined the eighties and early nineties.

Here are 10 lesser known gems that you may be surprised to find PWL had a hand in making:

10: Kylie Minogue: Tell Tale Signs

Kylie's eponymous debut was a blend of brash europop (for which PWL would become best known) and R&B lite; a nod to their earlier work with Princess ('Say I'm Your Number One') and Mel & Kim (More Than Words Can Say'). Follow-up 'Enjoy Yourself' continued in a similar vein, with four notable exceptions; 'My Secret Heart' - quirky and more chord changes than you can shake a stick at, 'Heaven & Earth' and 'Tears on my Pillow' - the album's obligatory ballads, and 'Tell Tale Signs' - marking the arrival of torch-song Kylie, and to this day remaining a fan favourite:

9: O'chi Brown and Rick Astley: Learning To Live (Without Your Love) (Midnight Lovers Mix)

PWL do American style soul, performed here by O'Chi Brown and Rick Astley, prior to Rick's worldwide fame. Incidentally, Brown originally recorded 'Whenever Your Need Somebody', which Astley later went onto achieve global success with:



8: Bananarama: Mr Sleaze 

SAW used a number of Bananarama b-sides to experiment with different genres, including the funk driven 'Mr Sleaze in 1987'. This rare groove sound was used earlier in that year, on SAW's 'Roadblock'.






7: Andy Paul: Anna Maria Lena 

You may know that Pete Waterman and Mike Stock (along with Steve Crosby) wrote and produced the UK's 2010 Eurovision entry - 'That Sounds Good To Me'. You may not know, that SAW produced Cyprus's 1984 Eurovision entry - 'Anna Maria Lena':



6: La Toya Jackson: Just Say No

Perhaps not the preferred Jackson PWL wanted to work with, nonetheless SAW contributed three songs to La Toya's 1988 eponymous album. 'Just Say No' was written for Nancy Regan's anti-drugs campaign:



5: Expose: Point of No Return (PWL Remix)

In 1987, PWL Mixmaster, Phil Harding, remixed 'Point Of No Return' for the American freestyle sensation, Expose.

A year later, SAW worked with another freestyle group, Sequal. 'Tell Him I Called' is the best known song from this collaboration:






4: Depeche Mode: Strangelove (Pain Mix)

Maintaing the balance between alternative credibility and pop sensibility, Phil Harding comes up with the goods yet again on this Depeche Mode remix:



3: Banarama: Ectasy (Chicago House Stylee)

Thanks to the influence of Pete Tong (head of London Records A&R at the time of the emerging chicago house sound), PWL experimented with the genre for one of Pete's better know acts, Banarama, in 1987:




2: The Visionmasters and Tony King featuring Kylie Minogue: Keep On Pumping It

Released in 1991 with the rave scene in mind, 'Keep On Pumping It' featured a sample of 'I Guess I Like It Like That', taken from Kylie's fourth album, 'Let's Get To It'. 'Rave Kylie' continued into 1992, with the club influenced 'Do You Dare' and 'Closer', which featured as b-sides to 'Give Me A Little More Time' and 'Finer Feelings' respectively:







1: Mandy Smith: I Just Can't Wait (Cool and Breezy Jazz Mix)

Mandy Smith may well be remembered for two reasons; her short-lived marriage to Rolling Stone Bill Wyman and this version of her 1987 single 'I Just Can't Wait'; still seen as an influential record on the then still emerging Balearic House scene.

The same laid-back guitar groove (courtesy of Matt Aitken) can be found be heard on 'Matt's Jazzy Guitar Mix' of Rick Astely's 'It Would Take A Strong, Strong Man':

Sinitta's Lunchbox

Ho, ho, ho! Snit here. 'Celebrity Taxi Driver' has somewhat taken over and I am delighted how well it's gone. Who would have thought that I, international disco and fashion sensation, Sinitta Malone, could get into an all star reality TV show final, with Lulu's body double and Carol Vorderman's sister? All I have to do is pull off the 'cleaning sick out the back of cab' challenge and I could be crowned the hackney carriage Queen!

I am not one to let fame go to my head however and still pack my lunchbox full of nutritional goodness everyday. Here's what's been floating my boat recently.

(1) The beautiful Kylie Minouge and her shimmering new single 'Better Than Today'. This gem is released in the UK on the 5th of December:



(2) Cadbury's Chocolate Fingers - I like to treat myself with a finger in the run up to Christmas

(3) Cheryl Cole's US visa application

(4) Nicole Scherzinger's newie 'Poison' is Wicked! The ex Pussycat Doll rocks it big time on this anthemic kick-ass electro/pop confection. I only wish I hadn't turned RedOne down when I was offered this song myself for forthcoming album 'Snit Bit's'. Check out the kick-ass video here:

Sinitta's Lunchbox

Hey guys. Snit here. I am dieting at the momento, so it's been a bit of a lean lunch box for me of late. I am on the 'Low Fat Pop Tart' diet - recipe book to follow!

So here's what I've been lugging around this week:

(1) Mark Owen - he's very small. Unlike his mobile phone bill.
(2) Low Fat Pop Tarts - the versatile snack that fills a hole like no other
(3) 'Oh Santa' - Mariah Carey's catchy new Christmas offering. It's not 'All I Want For Christmas' but kudos to Maz for churning our a half-decent Xmas number. Christmas has indeed arrived early in the Malone household this year!



I'm off now to film 'Celebrity Taxi Driver' where a group of c-listers spend a week working London taxi's and learning 'The Knowledge'. I'm really excited about working with Vanessa Feltz, Lulu's body double and one of the chimps from the PG Tips advert. I've got strong competition. Wicked!

Sinitta's Lunchbox

Hi guys. It's Snit here. Sorry for my lack of posts. The X-Factor has been keeping me very busy. It's hard work sitting next to Simon Cowell wearing no clothes and saying next to nothing. Then of course I have been involved in the styling of the groups - Simon's category for this years X-Factor. It's nice to know my unique sense of style has finally been recognised !

As you can imagine, all this work means I have been more reliant on my lunch-box than ever - those boy-bands have been keeping my box full!

Here's some of the tempting delights that have been floating my boat in recent weeks:

(1) The Journey - aka the cute boy-band that almost made it through to the X-Factor live shows. Apparently they are not a polished, rehearsed and contriveed boy band - they really are plumbers, electricians and dustbin men.

(2) Yorkshire pudding - my favourite food. Hot. Cold. Any which way.

(3) Fans - a girl can never have enough fans to keep her cool. I have many in different colours to match my lack of clothing!

(4) Nadine vs. Cheryl - as a member of the X-Factor alumni and someone who knows Cheryl well, you can guess why my loyalties lie? That's right - I'm backing Nadine Coyle all the way:



(5) Half a Crispy Peeking Duck

(6) Mary Byrne's Tesco Clubcard (I need the points for my Aunt Bessies')

(7) The upcoming spectacular that is 'Burlesque'. Christina Aguilera and Cher star in this all singing, all dancing movie spectacular. I was of course offered the lead ahead of Xtina but had to turn it down due to my X-Factor commitments. There's a fab soundtrack accompanying the film too, featuring the previously retired Cher, lending her pipes to a Diane Warren power ballad. What more could a girl want?

Re-visiting Xtina's Bionic

Now that the dust has died down, I thought it might be a good time to re-evaluate Christina Aguilera’s ‘Bionic’, in the cold light of day. If Madonna is the queen of re-invention, Xtina is the mistress of the quick change – from her teen pop debut to her retro-inspired third album, touching on R&B, mature ballads and Latin pop en route – Aguilera makes and breaks the rules as she goes along. It is a strategy that has worked until now and given that success, it is no surprise that expectations for her latest offering were high.

The deluxe edition of ‘Bionic’ comes in at a whopping 23 tracks. Admittedly, this includes three interludes but it’s still a hefty collection and more often than not quantity and quality do not equate– an adage which unfortunately holds true in this instance.

The title track is catchy enough but there is nothing new here and the same can be said for the second track and lead single - ‘Not Myself Tonight’ - the highlight of which is Christina’s gutsy lyrics in the chorus. ‘Woohoo’ is a quite frankly embarrassing ode to oral sex and makes Madonna’s attempt at said subject 18 years ago seem like high art. ‘Elastic Love’ is a bit of electro fun, even if the lyric is slightly lacking and ‘Des Nudities’ is the token Spanglish number.

Enter part two of ‘Bionic’, the section which has the most in common with a certain Lady Gaga. That’s not to say that the songs here are bad carbon copies – on the contrary - ‘Glam’ is a pretty slice of electro pop and ‘Prima Donna’ is Aguilera at her tongue-in-cheek best. It’s the ‘Love & Glamour’ interlude, hanging the two tracks together that makes the listener draw comparisons to Gaga. Just as things as are getting good we are back to seXtina. This time ‘Sex for Breakfast’ is more Janet Jackson than Madonna and it’s as if the song has been dropped on the album from another planet (with an obligatory interlude before to try and justify its existence).

It’s the ballads section next. If it wasn't for a third and final interlude, ‘Life Me Up’ and ‘All I Need’ could easily merge into one. ‘I Am’ is a ‘self-therapy’ Aguilera standard and ‘You Lost Me’ is by far the best and most haunting song on the album.

The fourth and final section of the collection feels like it could be a standalone album in its own right. ‘I Hate Boys’ works well with its driving beat, despite the moronic lyrics. ‘My Girls’ mixes electro and disco to positive effect but as before, the two-dimensional lyrics let it down. Aguilera’s back to laughing at herself on ‘Vanity’, and the disco inspired ‘Monday Morning’ features a slightly softer vocal from Xtina. ‘Bobblehead’ has a message. The problem is it’s annoying to listen to so the message is lost. ‘Birds of Prey’ is sublime and probably one of the more mature moments on ‘Bionic’. Finally, ballad ‘Stronger than Ever’ and an acoustic version of ‘I Am’ close the collection on a high.

Critics initial reaction to ‘Bionic’ has been to label it as a Gaga like copy, and whilst there are strong similarities with some of Lady Gaga’s work, the comparison is an unfair one. The truth is that ‘Bionic’ borrows from a number of Christina’s contemporary’s – Madonna, Janet Jackson, and Katy Perry – to name a few. However, her crime here is not one of plagiarism. Instead it is of trying too hard, a fate that befell Kylie Minogue on her 2008 ‘X’ album and with the end result being a collection of almost random songs, selected to try and please everyone. This is understandable given the expectations on Christina for this project, however surprising given her previous tendency to stick two fingers up to what the rest of the world wants.

Sinitta's Lunchbox

Oh dear! This week Sinitta's lunchbox was returned to us in such a state that the best part of the bank holiday weekend has been spent cleaning it out - the dirty bitch!

No grudges will be held however, as the lunchbox of dreams needs to be replenished for the week ahead. So what goodies do we have in store:

(1) Blankety Blank cheque book and pen
(2) Oat-so-simple
(3) Curry Powder
(4) A low quality leak from the Madonna 'Celebration' sessions called 'Broken (I'm Sorry)':

http://soundcloud.com/newsofmadonna/broken-2

Despite the quality, it's a good track - very in keeping with the Confessions era. Here's hoping an HQ copy will surface sometime soon.